The most exciting part of being in a small group is experiencing life change, and there are simple ways to maximize the opportunity for spiritual growth in your small group.

 

Just remember these two tips:

 

1.       If you’re a gifted teacher, members of your small group are not your students. Your best gift to them will be to teach them how to learn, not to have them sit at your feet and listen to your great teaching. That might make you feel good, but it won’t help them grow. Life change happens rapidly when people begin to engage with God’s Word. That means when they chew on it with others. If you’re talking, they’re not chewing. Wonderful things happen when instead of just feeding people, we help them feed themselves.

2.       Give everyone in the group an opportunity to facilitate (not lead) the group. Some groups have a rotating schedule and everyone is on it. Make it easy. You can do like many people do and provide a quick outline – start the group at this time, have someone open the group in prayer at this time, finish worship music at this time, have the discussion end and prayer requests start at this time, close the meeting at this time. Then provide positive reinforcement to everyone when they facilitate.

 

Don’t worry if people are resistant at first, and don’t be in a hurry. It might take a little time. But, you will find your group getting a new excitement and a new energy for the group when everybody gets to facilitate group meetings. And, you'll notice that people's lives are changing, including yours.

So, you know someone from out of the area who you think would be terrific to invite to speak at your small group. Only one problem, they don't live in this area. What do you do?

How about having them visit your group online? All you need is a laptop, an internet connection and a webcam. Here's how you do it:

Go to www.tokbox.com on your computer. Sign up - it's free. Then find a convenient place to put your laptop in the middle of your meeting area. You'll need wi-fi for your laptop - or a long Internet cable.

When it's time for your meeting, connect to Tokbox on your computer, contact your pre-arranged guest, and start a Tokbox chat with them. It's a very good idea to do a dry run with your guest a day or two ahead of time so you can have this worked out.

You will probably need some small computer speakers hooked to your computer so you can turn the volume up. Then simply introduce your guest and let them talk. When they're done talking have your group ask questions.

You'll be surprised at the guests you can get to your group when all they have to do is talk on their computer. Try this and you'll have a fun and exciting way to liven up your group.

Here's a way to give your small group a little fresh air. Invite a guest to speak at your group. Maybe it's someone you met at church who has a great testimony. Or, someone involved in leadership in one of the ministries. Maybe it's a pastor - okay, you probably can't get Pastor Rick but there are lots of pastors to choose from. How about your Community Leader. This is a veteran of small groups who is in leadership in the ministry in service to your group and as many as 2-3 dozen other groups. Your Community Leader talks to these groups on a regular basis and so they have stories of things that are working for other groups that they can bring with them when they visit. They can also tell you about what they do to support your group - they're an invaluable resource that only the smartest groups take full advantage of. How about someone on the PEACE team? They're great speakers and they love small groups. Or, ask your Community Leader or Area Leader for some ideas of guest speakers. Don't know your Area Leader? This is the staff pastor responsible for caring for your group and several hundred others. Your Community Leader reports to them. In fact, your Area Leader might even be willing to be a guest speaker at your group. Others to consider - visiting missionaries, musical guests (lots of people play instruments and sing - ask them to visit!), visiting pastors (sign up to host pastors who visit the church from out of the area, then ask them to speak to your group), you get the idea.

A guest speaker breaks up the routine, brings a new and often very fresh message to the group, and gives your group the breather that keeps things interesting. You can even have a guest speaker via online - we'll talk about that in the next blog post

Serving the Lord's Supper in your group

"...The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, 'This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.'  In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink, in remembrance of me.'  For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes."  (1 Corinthians 11:23-26)

Steps in Serving Communion

1. Open by sharing about God's love, forgiveness, grace, mercy, commitment, tenderheartedness, faithfulness, etc., out of your personal journey (connect with the story of your people in the room
2. Read the passage "...The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, 'This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.'
3. Pray and pass the bread around the circle (could be time for quiet reflection, singing a simple praise song, or listening to a worship tape
4. When everyone has been served, remind them that this represents Jesus' broken body on their behalf.  Simply state, "Jesus said, 'Do this in remembrance of me.'  Let us eat together," and eat the bread as a group
5. Then read the rest of the passage "...In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.'
6. Pray and serve the cup, either by passing a small tray, serving them individually, or by having them pick up a cup from the table.
7. When everyone has been served, remind them that the juice represents Christ's blood shed for them, then simply state, "Take and drink in remembrance of Him.  Let us drink together
8. Finish by singing a simple song, listening to a praise song, or having a time of prayer in thanks to God.

Several Practical Tips in Serving Communion

• Prepare the elements simply, sacredly, and yet remember, symbolically.
• Be sensitive to timing in your meeting.
• Break up pieces of cracker or soft bread on a small plate or tray.  Don't use large servings of bread or grape juice.  We ask that you only use grape juice, not wine, so you will not cause a brother or sister to struggle.
• Have all of the elements prepared beforehand, and just bring them into the room or to the table when you are ready.

Communion verses:  Matthew 26:26-29; Mark 14:22-25; Luke 22:14-20; I Cor 10:16-21, 11:17-34

This is the second-part of the previous post in which we share a few keys about serving, or how your group ministers to others. 

4.       Involve everyone in the group, because serving is a heart builder. When members of your group are the hands and feet of Christ in service they start to understand Christ’s heart for people.

5.       Don’t force a ministry on anyone. People are at different levels. Some are ready to go feed people on skid row. Others have trouble meeting strangers. Let the individuals decide what they want to or don’t want to get involved in. Bring the willing. Over time, their excited stories of what God did through them will help the others get used to the idea. People are more likely to do what they have done before or those ideas to which they have become accustomed.

6.       Along with number 5, it’s okay if some want to do something else. Your group bonds through serving together but some people just won’t want to serve in something that everyone else wants to do. It’s okay. Give them permission to not get involved.

7.       Follow the passion. If someone in your small group has a heart for a particular ministry, unless the group is booked for serving already, let them present their idea to the group and encourage the group to try the idea. Your group just might discover that this ministry is exactly what they love doing, but would have never thought of.

 

 

 

One of the most awesome qualities about Saddleback small groups is that they balance the Biblical purposes from the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. So, each small group finds their own ways to worship God, join in fellowship together, grow in discipleship, reach out to others who don’t know Christ, and also to serve or minister to others. Many small groups have a “champion” for each of these five purposes, using the “Don’t Lead Alone” CD set that every person gets when they attend Leader Training 1. Some use the “250 Big Ideas” book that’s also given free at LT1. But in this post, we want to share a few keys about serving, how your group ministers to others.

1.       There is no one way or one ministry in serving. Your small group may feel drawn to get involved with a campus-based ministry, like baptism or CLASS. Or, people may love the idea of serving those less fortunate through rebuilding Compton or Santa Ana, or serving in the motel ministry. Just do what suits your group.

2.       Try different ministries until you find one that clicks. Don’t dismiss a ministry opportunity because “it doesn’t feel right.” It might not initially, but your group might find that it’s a great growth opportunity that takes everyone out of their comfort zone and makes them more receptive to what God wants them to learn.

3.       Serving regularly builds your health. Don’t just do one project a year, check it off of your to-do list and call it good. That’s like going to the fitness center once a year and thinking that you’re helping your health.

[to be continued]

Now that the holidays are over and small groups are raring to go, here are some ideas on what your group can study next.

There are thirteen weeks between New Year and Easter. “God’s Answers to Life’s Difficult Questions” Small Group study is finally in the Pavilion bookstore on the Patio. So are the re-done small group studies for Foundations. So your group could start with “God’s Answers to Life’s Difficult Questions” right after New Years. That’s a six week study with a book to go with it. Then you could do the four week study on "Jesus" from Foundations, leading up to Palm Sunday. After Easter, your group could do the four week Foundations study on "The Holy Spirit" leading up to Pentecost, followed by the four week Foundations study on "The Church." These Foundations study guides are all new.

Or, click here for more curriculum to consider. You'll find 10 pages of our best ideas for where to take your group next.

Happy New Year!

There are so many things to get done this time of year. But don’t miss the chance to give your small group members an extra touch in the next couple of weeks. Christmas is a time of joy, but it can also be a time of loneliness and sadness for many. Take a moment to call each member of your small group and wish them a joyous holiday. Then, just listen. If you don’t hear joy from them, if instead you hear softness or busy-ness or even stress, take the time to tell them how much they mean to you. Don’t be insincere, be genuine, reflect back to them the things you appreciate about who they are. Tell them that you are grateful for God having brought them to your group. Tell them that they are loved. That’s what good families do. That’s what good small groups do.

Have singles in your group? Make sure everyone has somewhere to go for Christmas day. Don’t assume that they’re covered, that someone has invited them. Make sure. And if they don’t have anyplace to go, it’s your opportunity to minister to them by inviting them to your house. A small group is a family and even if you have a houseful of your immediate family for Christmas you can teach your family about putting love in Christmas by making a place for those who otherwise would sit home alone. If you're a single and don't have any place to go, plan a birthday party for Jesus at your house on Christmas day and invite others to join you.

If you’re traveling, ask other members of your group to invite those who don’t have a place for Christmas. In your small group, make sure no one is alone for Christmas.

Your small group party doesn't have to be elaborate, it just has to happen. Have it on your regular group meeting night. Make it a potluck party where everyone brings food. Have a "red" and "green" potluck, where every food has to be red or green, even if it requires food coloring. Nothing like lime jello and cranberries!

Put someone in charge of finding words for Christmas carols and printing enough for everyone.

Take the whole group out into the neighborhood the night of the party for Christmas caroling - just 4-5 homes will get everyone in the spirit. Don't let the naysayers keep the group from doing this. Be a little forceful, lead people out, everyone will have fun and thank you later.

Have someone read the Christmas story from Luke 2:1-20.

Maybe one member of your group is a storyteller. Have them make up a Christmas story and tell it at the Christmas party.

Have a "white elephant" gift exchange.  Play some Christmas games like Secret Santa. Spend just a few minutes on the Internet and you'll find hundreds of games for Christmas parties.

Don’t let the busy-ness of the season interfere with your small group meeting. Just know that there will be a little pressure to “take a break,” but gently remind your group of Hebrews 10:25 “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Here are a few ideas to get your group in the mood of the season right away:

·         Start singing Christmas carols in your group meetings.

·         Schedule your small group Christmas party for an upcoming meeting night.

·         Find a Christmas small group project to help others and get the kids in the group involved.

o   Adopt a child through Angel Tree

o   Serve at a homeless motel on a Sunday

·         Plan one of your meetings as an "open house" small group meeting when everyone invites their friends to the group for food, fun and fellowship.

·         Do a Christmas study like the Purpose of Christmas. 

·         Get the group involved in making an Advent Calendar .  

More ideas coming in a future post. If you have a great idea that you have tried in your small group post a comment to this post and let everyone else hear about it.

Next week, have your small group meeting on Wednesday or Thursday and bring your entire group to the Worship Center at 7pm for special Celebrations for all small groups. Choose either night, November 18 and 19. It’s going to be a wonderful night that combines Night of Worship and a time of reflection and celebration for what God has done during the Life’s Healing Choices campaign. Pastor Steve Gladen and Pastor Buddy Owens will be leading the evening and you’ll enjoy lots of worship, great stories and a time of greater bonding for your small group.

When Kool and the Gang sang that song in the 80’s it became the Friday night anthem for lots of people. Fortunately, the idea is still sound. No matter what is going on in your group, there’s always a reason for a celebration. Just finished a study, celebrate. Just did a ministry project together, celebrate. Just went on a mission trip as a small group, celebrate.

Have you planned the celebration in your small group now that your group has gone through Life’s Healing Choices? No? Well, make your next meeting after the end of the study a party! Here are some ideas:

Meet at a restaurant, maybe some place no one has been. Try something different. How about Peruvian food? How about someplace where you can just order a bunch of food, put it in the middle and everyone tries some of everything?

Have a progressive dinner. Start at one house for one course, go to the next house for another, and to a third for dessert.

Combine food with fun. Go bowling and eat there. Go to Boomers and eat there. Go to the beach and have a bonfire and eat there. Hmm. Notice the common thread? Eating!

Have a potluck dinner with everyone bringing something a favorite family recipe.

These are group celebrations. Most importantly, make sure you celebrate what God did in your midst. Have a time when everyone in the group is quiet and can share how they were impacted by the study, what they see differently now, what they are doing now as a result of what they learned, how their future has changed.

Don't miss the celebration. It's the party to honor God for what he is doing.

By Todd Olthoff, Married Life Pastor, Saddleback

In the last post, I talked about what could happen with what seems like an innocent connection on Facebook. I shared one idea for how to keep yourself out of danger. In this post, I'll share several more ways you can keep yourself safe from the perils of social networks.

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Second, if you are writing things you would never want your spouse to see, stop it now. Have an open check and balance system in your marriage when it comes to Facebook. Allow your spouse access to your account. Only use your account when your spouse is in the room. Let your spouse know who all your friends are and even have the freedom to check your email account when you get updates. If you are not willing to be open you are probably already having conversations you shouldn't have.

 

Third, don’t "friend" old flames or people you dated in the past. It is probably a good idea to not even have the temptation around. You can completely avoid the temptation by just not “friending” people who could step into this kind of role in your life.

 

Fourth, avoid the instant chat feature and texting. If the only form of communication is to write on the other person’s wall, you avoid the long drawn out conversations that feel private that can lead to the kinds of emotional affairs described above.

 

Finally, limit your online social media time. Don’t get consumed in living in the never ending, always on world of social media. Only check your Facebook page once a day when your spouse is present. Don’t substitute real live face to face relationships for online virtual relationships. You have a real life to live!

 

Hopefully you will consider the potential hazards of allowing social media to dominate your life and do everything you can to protect your marriage and family. I haven’t met a person yet who said they went on Facebook to find someone to have an affair with. It is something that snuck up on them and happened subtly over time. They thought they were immune when they first started so just be wise in how you engage and interact with these services. While you may never act on or have an affair, having anyone that you compare your spouse to in an unfavorable way will negatively effect your marriage.

 

By Todd Olthoff, Married Life Pastor, Saddleback

With the advent of new technology, things never before considered possible are now just a key stroke away. Who would have ever thought we could catch up  with old friends and family to see how they are doing and what their lives are like no matter where they are located in the world? Those old high school buddies and prom dates that you always wondered what happened to them can be found with a simple search and an invite to connect as friends. It’s like a huge high school reunion without having to buy new clothes, get a makeover, and lose weight. What an incredible service, right?

 

Well for many, Facebook has become a source of pain and caused the breakdown of their marriages and relationships.

 

It all starts off innocently really. You find an old high school flame or someone you may have had a crush on. You become friends and see that he/she turned out great. You begin to write on each other’s walls and eventually discover the ability to live chat when you are both online at the same time. You catch up on old times and share stories about your lives now. Pretty soon you start sharing personal things about your life including your struggles, maybe even problems in your marriage, seeking advice on what to do. You start to realize this person you are talking to seems to be perfect in every way and you both struggle in your current relationships. As you commiserate together, you begin to wonder “what if?” What if we had dated beyond high school? What if we had gotten married instead of marrying our current spouse? What would life have been like? You begin to believe that all of your dreams that you left behind could have really happened if you had married this person instead. You begin to compliment one another and even flirt a little. Pretty soon you both share that you have feelings for one another. The excitement of being complimented and wanted by someone else, and new feelings of possibilities, causes you to want to meet. Now your conversations are more hidden as you realize that if either of your spouses found out what you were talking about it could cause real conflict and of course you both care about the other person’s spouse and family and would never want to see them get hurt. The more you talk, the more secretive your conversation gets and you find yourself quickly closing your chat sessions and developing codes you use with one another to let the person know the spouse is in the room. Eventually you decide to meet and without meaning to, an affair happens. 

I could go on with the story but you get the point. Facebook “hook ups” are happening more and more as people begin to discover this new technology. Does that mean Facebook is evil? No, not in itself. What it does mean is that you need to be aware of the dangers of entertaining a “what if” scenario and put some checks in place to guard your heart against the potential emotional connection that can happen through this and other types of social media.

 

First, the same rules that apply to face to face meetings should apply to Facebook. You would never have ongoing dates with members of the opposite sex to discuss your life and marital problems in public would you? ( If you answered "yes" then that is for another article). Of course not because you know that is not right. Also, it would cause all kinds of problems with your spouse and with others who would see you and suspect you might be having an affair. The same is true for Facebook or any other social media service. Just because no one can see you doesn’t mean it is ok.

 

Some small group Hosts feel compelled to buy the small group study materials for their group. The common rationalization is that it's easier (translation: less uncomfortable) and besides "it's our ministry."

 

If you are the Host of your small group, just don't do this. Instead, calculate the total cost for all of the study guides and any other materials (DVDs, books, etc ) that you'll need for your group, then divide that total cost (don't forget tax) by the number of members in your group. Then collect from each person before buying any materials.

 

One tip: don't decide what the group will study without involving the group in the decision. People don't enjoy paying for things they don't want.

 

When your group members pay for their own study materials, they have an investment in the study. Remember, it's human nature to believe that things are worth what we pay for them. That's the law of perceived value. You may be surprised to see how much more people value the study and how committed your members are to the group once they have made even this very modest investment.

What happens after your small group meeting is over? Do you automatically shift to the next thing, erasing all memory of what just happened? Does your Outlook calendar click you into the next meeting, appointment, event or responsibility? Was small group just one of an endless line of “things to do,” like planes lined up to land at a major airport?

Here are a couple of ideas to help you get the most out of your small group AFTER the meeting is over:

1. On your notes or study workbook, draw a star or asterisk (*) in the margin next to one or two points in the meeting that you thought were really interesting. Then when you get home, immediately take the point(s) you starred and write them down. If you’re an electronic person, put them as a “task” in Outlook or send them as a text to someone who will answer back. Then they’re in your system. If you’re a paper person, write them on a piece of paper and tape it to the mirror in your bathroom. Then read it every morning and every night. And think about it.

2. Have your own “lunch and learn.” Take the one or two points and chew on them as you have lunch. C’mon, you don’t have lunch meetings every day, or power lunches. Give yourself permission to feed your heart as you feed the rest of yourself. Philippians 4:8 says this, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.”

When you get back to your group next week, you’ll have allowed these important points to marinade in you, seeping into your thinking and ultimately into who you are becoming. And, you’ll have some amazing insights for the others in your group.

Have you noticed that your group just doesn’t seem to pick it up quickly? You think they should go out and evangelize to the homeless by living for a week on skid row and they’re just not that excited about the idea. Or, you want to have everyone using Greek and Hebrew to do a sixteen-week study on the minor prophets, and everyone else is thinking that maybe watching YouTube videos would be best.

The disconnect comes from the difference between where the group is and where you want them to go. Your best strategy is to simply help them take the next step, rather than try to convince everyone to jump out of a plane over dark jungle with nothing but a Bible and a compass.

Think about it this way.

One day when you were just an infant about 5 months old, you stood right up on your feet and took off out the door. For the next 20 minutes no one could catch you because you were running as fast as you could.

Of course, that isn’t the way it happened. Just like the rest of us, you started out crawling first.

And the next step for your small group may just be to take a crawl step. Find that step that is easy for people to take and they’ll do it. Just make sure it’s a step in the right direction.

In the last blog post, we talked about a few reasons why people are sometimes uncomfortable praying in a group. Now that we have a better understanding of their discomfort, here are a few tips for helping your group pray together:

1.       Have a regular group prayer time at the close of each meeting. Have each person share one thing they would like the group to pray for them (not their cousin’s uncle’s next-door neighbor’s co-worker, but them personally), and one thing they would like to thank God for this week. If the group is new, tell people you will open in prayer and allow time for anyone to pray, and then you’ll close. This tells them that praying is optional. Those who are comfortable with open prayer will pray during the quiet time you allow. Those who aren’t won’t.

2.       Don’t put pressure on anyone to pray. Don’t call on anyone to pray for the group unless you are virtually certain they will be open to doing so. You’ll know when someone is ready when they start praying during the group prayer time at the end of your small group meeting.

3.       Help the group take a crawl step. When you have someone new in the group, or if the whole group is new and several people aren’t comfortable praying out loud, ask the group to use “popcorn prayer.” That’s when people simply pray a phrase or one sentence. “Thank you for the beautiful day.” “Please help Sara tomorrow with her test.” “Help Josh to get over his cold.” Lead the way. Pray several “popcorns” sprinkled through everyone else’s popcorns so they will see that it’s okay to pray more than one thought or idea during prayer time.

4.       After weeks of praying popcorn prayer, lead the group to a walk step, “conversational prayer.” That’s when you just talk to God. “What do I do about this? I’m mad. Can you help me get over this?” “I know you’re with me everywhere. Help me to remember that when I’m anxious at my job.” “Thank you for what you’re doing for Su’s relationships. That’s really cool.”

5.       When the group is comfortable with conversational prayer you can explore run steps, but that’s the subject of a future blog post.

Some folks are just not comfortable with praying out loud in a group. This is a new experience, they’ve never prayed in a group before and they have a few misperceptions. In order to help them get past their fear, try to understand the reasons for their anxiety:

1.  They’ve never done it before. We’re always a little nervous when we haven’t done something before. “How do you do it? Will I feel like a hypocrite because I know all the things I don’t do that I should do?”

2.  They have performance anxiety. Everyone in the group will hear them pray out loud. “It’s not like everyone’s talking or anything. When one person prays, everyone else listens to them. What if I don’t pray very well? Will the group think less of me?”

3.  They’re uncertain about what to say. “What if I freeze up and can’t think of anything to say?”

4.  They have high expectations. “Am I supposed to sound like Pastor Rick, or maybe pray a King James prayer (‘Oh Lord our God, we beseech thee on behalf of our brethren for thy holy and unmerited sustenance’), or sound as though I have been to seminary?”

Can you see why people can get uptight about group prayer?

It's important for you to understand these issues, so you can help your group get past them.

And, the good news is that you can lead your group over these group-prayer "speed bumps." We'll describe a few ideas in the next blog post.

What do you do when the group meeting wanders and doesn’t seem to have a purpose; when it seems like the group talks about a lot of things and get easily side-tracked and the meeting is over but you barely got into the study? 

In this post, we're going to talk about dealing with one common cause - a dominant personality in your group that seems to enjoy taking the group down rabbit trails.

HOW TO FIX THIS – If you’re the host, learn to be a good group facilitator so that others in your group will follow your example when it’s their turn to facilitate the meeting. Learn how to acknowledge a point that is off track, ask the individual to write it down for discussion at another time, and then bring the discussion back to the topic. This is called "putting comments in the parking lot" and it doesn't dismiss a comment, but simply suggests that it is off topic and should be brought back up at a better time, perhaps even for discussion after the meeting time is over.

EXCEPTION – if someone is sharing a deep problem or urgent need, drop everything and focus on them. Their issue is the most important thing for your group at that point. Of course, the exception to the exception is if what is brought up is the chronic problem of one individual. Chronic means that their problem keeps coming up at almost every meeting. But that's the topic of another blog post.

There may come a time in the life of your small group when the following idea runs through your mind. “We’re stuck and I don’t feel like I’m growing. We do lightweight studies, no one participates, and no one seems to want to change.”

HOW TO FIX THIS – The good news is that this means that you’re the spiritual growth champion for the group. You may not have that official title, but it sounds like you have the highest interest, so you are a logical person to champion spiritual growth. If you’re not the Host, pray first for God’s leading, then take your Host to coffee, explain how you’re feeling, and offer to take on the role of the Spiritual Growth Champion. If your Host isn’t interested or dismisses the idea, suggest that you both go together to LT2 Empower (you can see upcoming dates on the Calendar and Events at www.saddlebackfamily.com). You could also go to Leader Training 1, get the free Don’t Lead Alone 6-CD set gift, and give the Host CD to your Host. And, if your Host hasn’t gone to Leader Training 1, offer to go with them.

If your group hasn't completed the small group guidelines and agreement, suggest that you all do so. Spiritual growth is the first value for each small group.

In any case, be gentle and help guide the group toward growing in spiritual health. Everyone may not be at your level of interest, but everyone can get going in the right direction, thanks to you.

A common complaint about a small group goes something like this, “Our group doesn’t honor my time. Meetings don’t start on time and they always run late. So, I feel anxious because I have made commitments based on our agreement to start and end at a set time.” Or, "I have to slip out while the meeting is still going on because I have to get up early/our babysitter has to be home at a certain time/we've already been meeting for three hours/etc."

Often this group challenge is driven by someone in the group taking the group on a tangent, or because someone is adding a new agenda item to the group meeting.

HOW TO FIX THIS – Start and end the “official group meeting” on time, every time. Teach everyone who facilitates group meetings, ideally that’s everyone in your group, that this is a high value practice and that time management is a critical part of facilitating a meeting.

If you don’t have a time in your group meeting for announcements, the group might want to add that. Then adjust the time for other parts of your group meeting to accommodate. The group Host can ask members to let them know in advance of the meeting if they would like to add anything to the meeting agenda.

If someone wants to bring up a discussion item that’s not on the group meeting agenda, and it could involve lengthy discussion, ask them to send the information to all group members by email and you will add it to the agenda for discussion at the next meeting. If it needs to be resolved before the next meeting, suggest that the group can discuss it by email and/or phone.

There are some times very important reasons to extend the group meeting, when something unanticipated comes up. If a member shares something at the end of the meeting that requires immediate action, prayer, or help, close the “meeting” in prayer on time and release everyone except those who are able to stay. If it happens earlier in the meeting, defer the rest of the study until next week, gather the group together to pray and support/encourage the group member, and close the meeting in prayer on time, again releasing everyone except those who are able to stay later.

You’ll find that your group will appreciate your respect for their time, and that on the rare occasions when there is an issue and you make it optional for people to stay later group members will generally tell you their opinion on the importance of the issue by voting with their feet.

Have you ever heard the expression, start well to end well? It’s certainly applies to your small group.

Setting the expectations for your group early on not only establishes the ground rules, but helps keep your group on track. You want to avoid unspoken agendas and unmet expectations. Fortunately there’s a simple tool to do these things as well as aid in resolution of some of the typical conflicts that come up in almost all small groups.

Here’s how to use the small group guidelines (see earlier post on Sept 20 for an example) to get things going on the right foot.

First, you may want to send the guidelines out by email to all group members, asking them to read them so that the group can discuss them and adopt them at the next meeting. Of course, you can also hand them out at the first meeting (or your next meeting) and review/adopt them on the spot.

Each of the values listed in the agreement are essential. Clear Purpose – if the group doesn’t agree to the purpose of building, spiritually healthy lives then it’s not a small group, it’s a social club. Clubs rarely last, because they generally don’t help people grow. Small groups do. No one needs another club or group, but we all aspire to grow to become more like Christ. Group Attendance – If group members don’t agree that they will give priority to the group meeting then they will be erratic in attendance and you’ll never know when they’re going to show up and when they won’t. Safe Environment – no one pounces on a prayer request as an opportunity to demonstrate their knowledge of medicine, healing, finances, psychology, or nutritional supplements. Being Confidential – the group agrees that what is said in the group stays in the group. No one sends prayer requests from the group to others outside the group, or talks about anything that an individual has shared, unless that individual requests it. Conflict Resolution – the group understands that Biblical conflict resolution requires following Matthew 18:15-17, and that gossip is to be strictly avoided. Spiritual Health – agreeing that others in the group have each other’s permission to speak into their lives to help them grow spiritually. Limit our Freedom – the group recognizes that many people struggle with alcohol, even those that don’t admit it, and that the group will never have group meetings or activities with alcohol consumption. Welcome Newcomers – to make the group a warm and hospitable place where friends are invited and all new people are made to feel welcome. Building Relationships – to regularly pray for members of the group and to bond with them outside of group time.

You may want to add a few more values in your group guidelines and agreement. Maybe you’ll want to add the statement that all individual contact information (email, phone numbers, etc.) are never to be shared outside the group and are only shared for group or spiritual growth purposes, which means that everyone agrees they will not send junk or chain emails, political positions, or business solicitations or pitches to others in the group. Maybe you’ll want to add that everyone in the group agrees to treat everyone else with respect and that no one will make disparaging remarks or attempt humor at anyone’s expense.

The details at the bottom – agreeing to refreshments/mealtimes, childcare, when and where to meet, start and end times, etc. – establish more expectations of group members.

When problems come up with people not following your group’s guidelines and agreement, you can meet with them privately and remind them of their commitment to that agreement. This is the beginning of conflict resolution, meeting with them personally, and this will demonstrate your commitment to helping the group stay on track.

This is an important document in the life of every small group. We will be discussing this in the next blog post.

Small Group Guidelines and Agreement

We agree to the following values

Clear Purpose  To grow healthy, spiritual lives by building a healthy small group community.

Group Attendance  To give priority to the group meeting (call if I am absent or late)

Safe Environment  To create a safe place where people can be heart and feel loved (no quick answers, snap judgments, or simple fixes

Be Confidential  To keep anything that is shared strictly confidential and within the group

Conflict Resolution  To avoid gossip and to immediately resolve any concerns by following the principles of Matthew 18:15-17

Spiritual Health  To give group members permission to speak into my life and help me live a healthy, balanced spiritual life that is pleasing to God

Limit our Freedom  To limit our freedom by not serving or consuming alcohol during small group meetings or events so as to avoid causing a weaker brother or sister to stumble (1 Corinthians 8:1-13; Romans 14:19-21)

Welcome Newcomers  To invite friends who might benefit from this study and warmly welcome newcomers

Building Relationships  To get to know the other members of the group and pray for them regularly.

Other  _________________________________________________________________

 

We have also discussed and agree on the following items:

Meals/refreshments      ____________________________________________

Childcare                        ____________________________________________

Meeting place     ___________________  Day of week for meeting _________________

Starting time       ___________________  End time ________________

There’s one in every group. The person who loves to remember birthdays and important events, the one who likes to entertain or get the group together, the one who likes to plan outings. Often, it’s the relational person. The person who tells you their name first as you’re meeting them. The person who remembers your name. The one who has a smile, a word of encouragement, a laugh at just the right time.

Don’t have anyone like that? Wait, I said there’s one in every group. Maybe they don’t match all of those characteristics, but they are closer to them than anyone else in the group.

What do you do with someone like that?

You give them the role of Fellowship Champion. That’s the person in your group who keeps everyone connected. They send out the email reminders, the evites, the Tweets, the Facebook wall posts to members of the group. They make sure there’s a birthday card and a song to celebrate everyone’s birthday. They plan a beach party, a bowling night, a night at the movies, going to Night of Worship together as a group, a picnic, an overnight trip to a cabin, a retreat for the group – whatever is fun and gets the group together. Maybe someone else suggests it, but the Fellowship Champion makes it happen.

Don’t have a Fellowship Champion in your group? Really? Just look around. Someone is better at those kinds of things than you. And if you don’t see anyone better at it than you, then it’s you.

How do you get someone to take on this role? Give them the Fellowship Champion CD from the Don’t Lead Alone CD set you got when you attended LT1. That’s what it’s for.