When it comes to books on marriage there are definately a ton of resources available to couples today. But every once in a while you stumble across a book that makes you stop and think and may even change your paradigm a bit. One of those books for me was Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.

In this book, Gary attempts to set a good biblical view of marriage that is different from what we have traditionally fallen into. Instead of seeing marriage as a second class spiritual state because you weren't holy enough to remain celebate or categorizing marriage into the realm of relationships, Gary proposes that marriage could be one of the most effective places for spiritual growth to take place. His premise is this "what if God designed marriage not to make us happy, but to make us holy?"





Think about that for a minute. We focus so much on our happiness when it comes to our marriage that we soon start to feel entitled to more and we begin to see our spouse as someone who drags us down instead of helping us to grow. Imagine for a minute what would happen in your marriage if you chose to allow your spouse to speak into your life and if you began to see your marriage as the best place for your character to be shaped like Christs'. What do you think it would do for your own spiritual growth? What about the growth of your marriage?

If you are looking for a good book to read, pick this one up. It is deep but well worth the read. Also, Gary did a video study for us at Saddleback on this book that you could pick up on the patio if you want to do it in your group.

We have our next MarriedLife marriage retreat coming up on March 7-9 at the Bahia in San Diego in the Mission Bay area. This year we will be talking about learning the skills to implement Relational Intimacy and it should be a great time to get away and spend time with your spouse. As with all our retreats it is limited to the first 50 couples and we are already half full! So if you are interested you can sign up on the calendar and events page or by contacting Lisa at lisab@saddleback.net.

When we surveyed the couples in our church this past year one of the biggest issues most couples said they were struggling with was time. Now how you define this issue of time is very important. Many of us would say we see our spouse all the time so it wouldn't seem that time should be an issue. But as you probably have already found out (if you haven't you probably will soon) there is a difference between being in the same space with your spouse and actually spending time FOCUSING on your spouse. In the fast paced culture of our world today, more and more of us are not making the time to nurture our relationships with one another. We tell ourselves (and sometimes each other) that we will spend time together once we get done with this project or when we reach a certain financial level or pretty soon, or (fill in the blank). Pretty soon we find we are just existing together and as more and more issues pile up in our relationship we go day by day not wanting to interact with one another for fear that we might touch the topic of our relationship and cause a fight or a pointed "critique." We don't have to live this way together if we would just take the opportunity to carve out intentional time alone together just to check in share life with one another. Now this doesn't have to be anything elaborate or even involve a lot of planning but it does have to be intentional, scheduled, and consistent. Cheryl and I have recently discovered the new freedom that comes when the kids are in school. We meet together weekly for coffee at Starbucks (or occassionally we will substitute lunch) to talk together, check in, and enjoy time together. I can't tell you the impact this has had on our relationship. We actually miss the times when we miss:) You might wonder what we talk about when we are sitting there sipping our coffee ( or tea or water in my wife's case). We basically talk about what is happening in our lives, how the kids are doing, what we need to accomplish for the week, and what God has been saying to each of us lately in our times with him. I learn so much from what my wife is learning in her time with the Lord! I also ask her to help me with issues in my life that I need to work on and she does the same with me. What are some of the ways you spend time together as a couple? Leave a comment on this post to collect some ideas to share with one another.

Well this is the first of what I hope to be many blog entries that deals with what is happening in couples ministry at Saddleback Church. This will include not only events and things but also reviews and resources to help you grow your marriage on purpose. If you haven't already, take a look at our pathway to help you grow your marriage you can see it under the "Our Plan." On each page we list the events that are coming up and clicking on those links will allow you sign up to let us know you are coming. Check back often as we are adding many dates for the coming year. We are putting a lot of time into helping you grow your marriage because we are convinced that our marriages are a great place for spiritual growth to take place as we seek to intentionally apply God's purposes to our marriages and see our spouse as our primary spiritual partners. Stay tuned for more entries and resources:)